Annnnd we’re back with the second installment of my quarantine adventures via journal entries for English. You can (and probably should) read the first part here so you can be all caught up.
Some of these entries have been edited, but for the most part, they reflect exactly what I was thinking during my lockdown weeks. Enjoy!
Entry #13: Realization That I’ll Be An Adult Soon
Woah… my 18th birthday is less than twenty days away. I’m turning eighteen in isolation. No one’s going to remember it. That’s the sad part. I mean… no one was going to remember it anyways on a normal day, but at least I would have gotten to interact with other people. And there would have been a few friends who remembered. But I think I just get sad that my birthday gets buried every year. I don’t have a dedicated friend group to do things with. And with the whole coronavirus thing, I’m going to have to celebrate adulthood without any of my friends. I’ll remember this for the rest of my life: the time when I took a weekend trip to London instead of a ten day trip to Ireland and Scotland, had to do online school for the rest of my senior year, and began my adulthood in a statewide shelter in place. What a way to end childhood. Also I was thinking about prom. My memories from last year were sucky. [ ]. And now I’m never going to get another chance at those memories. What I really hope will happen is that [stores] will be super backlogged in prom dresses because no one went to prom, and everything will be on mega sale. Then I could go buy a dress, take photos with my friends, and then eat a fancy dinner. I don’t really need a dance… right? I mean… I don’t really need memories of senior year of high school either, apparently. (I know I know I know… lives are more important than my dumb high school events. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have cancelled anything [ ]).
I’m getting saltier. I never ended up buying a prom dress. But my birthday wasn’t forgotten. Friends went out of their way to surprise me social distancing style and I even got several signed copies of books from incredibly thoughtful authors!
Today I listened to a replay of a webinar on how to beat cliches in characters. I’ve signed up for a lot of free webinars recently. And I always listen to the replay. It’s as if they keep planning them during times when normal people are at work or school. Anyways, the webinar was good. I took some good notes. I also wrote another 1162 words for my novel, putting me ahead of my goal for the month so that’s good. Oh, and then I spent like five hours watching New Girl. I just finished season 1. Literally, time does not feel real. I keep forgetting that I have to go to school still. I wake up every morning without any clue what day it is – except, if I’m woken up at 8:30 it means I’m expected to log in to school soon. And if I’m not woken up at 8:30… it’s still a day in lockdown. You know the weird thing about all of this? I never used to go out anyways. Before all this quarantine stuff, I just stayed home all the time. I would go to school if it was school time, I would go out to eat with my family on the weekends, and then I would sit in my room for the rest of the time writing or reading (if it was a good day – honestly, I’m disappointed in myself for not reading more during this time. Instead I started New Girl, which has 7 seasons). I’m not entirely sure why lockdown is bothering me. Is it because I can’t go to school? I spent an entire week in third quarter angry at my parents for not letting me stay home because I was sick. I would have done anything to not physically go to school. Is it the lack of eating out? Nope… we can still get takeout food and eat at home. Basically the same meals we were having before. I’m not entirely sure what it is. I’m not super social. I talk to people at school and that’s about it. And I’m cool with that. So WHY am I going insane?
I eventually ended up reading more often. But I also still spend a lot of time watching TV. I most recently binged Kid Nation – an insane reality TV show filmed in 2007 where they literally dropped 40 kids in the middle of the desert and had them try to create a functioning society “Lord of the Flies” style.
Entry #22: I Start Missing Journal Entry Days
What if I knew all of this was going to happen?
1) I would not have gone to Ireland and Scotland. I would have convinced the group not to go, rescheduling for late summer when everything is a little bit calmer. This way, I wouldn’t have spent an exhausting weekend in London (mostly in the airport) and lost my trip (like I now have because there’s no way for me to repeat this tour with this group).
2) I would have bought better lighting for my room. Maybe a couple of lamps. More candles. It’s so dark in here and it’s basically where I spend most of my day. Opening the blinds only does so much.
3) I would have celebrated my birthday in February. I would have invited all my friends for a last get-together before isolation so that I wouldn’t be facing a boring, social-distancing 18th birthday in April.
I’m not sure what else I might have done. Maybe buy more entertainment for my house. Gone out to Michael’s for paint supplies. Gotten myself into a routine of daily walks before all of this so that I would have a routine to fall back on when I felt like sitting on my bed all day.
Looking back, I wrote a lot of entries before finally giving up on the assignment.
Entry #26: I Start To Lose It
Perhaps lock down is getting to me. I have zero self control now. I went to bed at midnight last night and I must have slept lightly because I woke up around 2 AM. However, I felt like I was still dreaming – it may have been a hallucination. In my earlier years, I’ve been known to sleep walk on occasion and say weird stuff. I’m forced to believe this was a sleepwalking instance without the walking part. I’ve been pretty stressed. There’s a lot I need to do right now – I have a list going on my white board of all sorts of little things I need to complete. So at 2 AM, I wake up in a daze, worried I won’t have time to set aside for a specific thing. So I set an alarm so I could get my work done and not be stressed. After setting the alarm, I fall back asleep unworried because my future self will wake up and do the work I need to do. Now 3:05 AM rolls around… and my alarm goes off. I SET MY ALARM FOR 3:05????? In the MORNING???? So now I’m actually awake. And I have no idea what my delirious self thought I should get done at 3:05 , only that I thought it was very important that it happen. So I turn off the alarm and roll over, falling asleep again because my past self played a prank on my present self with neither of us intending to do so. I don’t remember why I set that alarm. But my phone has a list of all my previously used alarms… the earliest? 3:05 AM. Yes… this event really happened and wasn’t a figment of my imagination. In a sleepwalking state, I set an alarm for myself so that I could be productive and responsible. *Facepalm*
What a fun little anecdote to tell my children someday.
Entry #27: The End
I haven’t been writing in this journal much recently. I think I’ve come to the point where this isn’t fun anymore. Nothing’s new. Nothing’s changed. I’m 18. I’m missing the rest of my senior year. I changed my graduation celebration date to July. I’m missing three trips I had planned. What’s the point? I’m sure this document will become historical someday… but historians are just going to have to cope with the fact that I’m tired of keeping track of today. I just want to move on.
And I did move on. This was my last journal entry. I probably wrote more entries than I was supposed to… but I thought this would be good material for my blog. And so it was.
I definitely wasn’t having a blast while writing those entries, but rereading them was actually pretty fun. Did anything “fun” happen to you during quarantine?